Grief

Recently, a dear friend contacted me about her grief. I felt very inadequate in the answers I gave her, but tried to reassure her that I would be praying for her. Not coincidentally, the book I have been reading covered a section on grief this past week and I wanted to share, in hopes that it may help her or anyone else for that matter. It helped me, as I have very recently dealt with the deepest form of grief I have ever experienced with the loss of my precious grandmother.
The lady writing this book I am reading experienced the loss of her young sister, and so she knows very well of that which she writes. So I will jot down some excerpts from Lysa Terkheurst's book, "Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl", and pray that God will help to heal someone else's hurt through these words.


"Sometimes when hurts and disappointments come, they cause a temporary panic that rises and falls in a mini-tidal wave. ...at times the hurt comes in the form of a loss that cuts into your heart so viciously it forever redefines who you are and how you think. It's what I call deep grief. The kind that strains against everything you've ever believed. So much so you wonder how the promises that seemed so real on those thin Bible pages yesterday could ever possibly stand up under the weight of your enormous sadness today.
I've already mentioned how I walked away from God at that time. That is how many people process loss. Disillusionment can break people. It's understandable really. We are told from an early age that God can do anything, and we've read the stories about Jesus helping people. But how do we process such beliefs in the face of loss? Any kind of loss hurts. Trying to come to grips with the fact that God could have prevented this grief but didn't is a bit like trying to catch the wind and turn it into something visible. It's an answer we could chase our whole lives and never get. And sometimes this chase just simply wears people out. They turn and walk away, whispering, "I tried, God, but You just didn't work for me.You hurt my feelings and I don't want anything to do with You anymore." I was asking the wrong question. I was asking why.  Why did this happen? Why didn't You stop this, God? Why were my prayers not answered? Why?
Asking why is perfectly normal. Asking why isn't unspiritual. However, if asking this question pushes us farther from God rather than drawing us closer to Him, it is the wrong question.
In most situations, nothing positive can come from whatever answer there might be to a why question. If God gave us His reason why, we would judge Him. And His reasons, from our limited perspective, would always fall short. That's because our flat human perceptions simply can't process God's multidimensional, eternal reasons. God describes it this way:
   For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
   For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Is. 55:8-9) We can't see the full scope of the situation like God can; therefore, we must acknowledge that His thoughts are more complete and that He is more capable of accurately discerning what is best in every circumstance. In the case of losing a loved one, love skews even the most rational parts of us. Our love for the person we lost would never allow God's reasons to make us feel any better or to understand any more fully. We would still feel as though God had made a terrible mistake.
So, if asking the why question doesn't offer hope, what will? The what question. In other words, Now that this has happened, what am I supposed to do with it? Good can come from any loss if we make the choice not to resist the birthing process required to bring this good to life.
Psalm 139:16 tells us every person has a certain number of days assigned to them: Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
It takes time. Even when you love God and believe His promises, Even when you know without a doubt that you will see your loved one again. Even when you know hope is still there. It takes time. It takes wading through an ocean of tears. It takes finding a possession of your loved one that you thought was lost and realizing that God did that just to comfort you. It takes discovering one day that the sun still shines. It takes being caught off guard when you catch yourself smiling, only to realize it's okay. It takes prayer. It takes making the decision to stop asking for answers and start asking for perspective. It takes telling people to please not avoid saying their name-you want to hear it, over and over and over again. Then one day you take off the blanket of deep grief. You fold it neatly and tuck it away. You no longer hate it or resist it. For underneath it wondrous things have happened. The why questions have been replaced with truths from God's Word. verses that stung to read at first have now become the very lifeline you cling to. God's presence has fallen softly upon you and helped you see that good can come and will come in you and through you.
Yes, in time things have happened. Wondrous things. Things that could have only come about because divine hope still intersects with our broken world. The secret is letting God's Word get into you to achieve the purpose He intends. Then you can lift up your despair, your doubts and questions, your feelings of being hurt by God. And with open hands held high, you let the wind blow them all away.
And, finally, you will see years stretching before you once again. Hope stretching before you again. New perspectives even when others hurt you again. And more honest conversations with God stretching before you again."