Sick and BORED has its advantages!

Today is the second day that I have been at home sick, and I am absolutely about to go crazy. I have been miserable,cranky, and mean to tell the truth! (Just ask my husband :) And today, my youngest, Andy, is home with me. Right now it looks like he could possibly have strep, so I'm keeping a close eye on his symptoms.
Yesterday, I was here at the house alone for the majority of the day, and I had a lot of time to lay in the bed and do nothing :) So to make the most of my time, I caught up on some Bible reading, and did some devotions. Have you ever noticed that when you have a burden on your heart that you thought no one but God and yourself knew about, God decides that it would be good for you to make everything you read specifically about that burden? He knows just how to get us out of our rut and in my case, does it, sometimes before I can even ask Him for help. I'm going to share my burden just in case someone that reads this may be going through the same thing.
I had a pastors wife tell me once that you couldn't make friends with members of your church. And I remember my response, "Well where else am I going to find friends? My life is spent at church!" So in the back of my mind, everytime I felt myself getting close to someone, I would think: "So,Lord, how is this going to turn out bad?" My husband is a HUGE people person, and he seems to make friends with everyone he talks to. He's just that way. I'm not. But when I do, I find myself critiquing everything I said to them afterwards, wondering if something I might have said could have hindered my role in their life as their pastor's wife. Or when they don't talk to me as much the following Sunday as I thought they should, my mind immediately begins to question, "What have I done?" or "What did I say?" and I let these thoughts and questions consume me until I am miserable. I know that most times, it's the devil trying to get to me. But I really do want to please those around me. Thats when the Lord pricks at my heart and says to me,"But are you pleasing ME?"
This was part of my Bible reading :
1 Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:

1 Peter 2:10 Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy.

1 Peter 2:11 Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;

And I realized that my desire to please and have friendship and perfect harmony with all of my sisters in Christ is a fleshly lust. It makes me happy, and eases my mind. But what does it do for me spiritually? Absulutely nothing. I realized that when something is said or done that makes me wonder if I did something to offend or upset, it changes my mood and my mindset and THAT does hinder me spiritually. Don't get me wrong please, I do want to have harmony with my sisters in Christ. And as long as I am serving and obeying God, and pleasing HIM, He will take care of the rest. I can't make everyone look at me with grace and love, but the Father can, if He sees fit to. So instead of letting my desire to please people cause war against my soul, I put it all in His very capable hands.
I still have so much to learn. I can tell you today much more than yesterday that I never knew how much was involved in the ministry. It overwhelms me at times, and that seems to be when I lean the hardest on my girlfriends. I know that it's my husband I should lean to, but my carnal mind whispers to me all the time, "You don't need to burden him with your feelings, he has so much on him without you adding to his load." So my prayer at the end of yesterday and the beginning of today is, "Lord, please help me to lean on YOU and confide in You. For YOU alone have all the answers I need, and you will never misunderstand me."
If you have experienced anything similar to this, as a PW, let me be the first to tell you that it's not easy to limit yourself in your relationships in the church, but when you put God first in your life, and support your husband in the way that God tells us to (and not society) then He will give you wisdom in everything you do. Just seek Him for advice.
I love every single lady in my church. And I will continue to fellowship with them in any way I can! But my closest companionship is reserved for two alone: My Saviour, and my husband.

"Thank You Lord, for being there for me when I get ahead of myself and forget that You alone have the answers that I need. All of my complaining or fears shared with another does nothing to lift them up spiritually, but when I come to YOU, you lovingly guard my footsteps,my heart, and my tongue. Only You can give the perfect advice. And You Know the way that is best for me. Help me Dear Lord to be the Pastor's Wife that You want me to be, to be the helpmeet to my husband that You want me to be and that he needs for me to be. And finally Lord, thank You, for allowing me the chance to serve You. In Jesus' name, Amen!"

*** Sometimes in our busy lives, getting sick is the only thing that makes us slow down. It's then that we take the time to reflect on things in our lives that maybe needs changing or a good "working on". I hope that sharing my heart's burden has helped someone else. Just remember that even though it feels lonely sometimes, and feels like you have been "deserted", God has called us to serve Him. He never promised the ministry would be easy, but it's full of spiritual fruit and blessings unimaginable. Just serve Him, make yourself available to Him, seek Him then let Him do the rest.

Almost Spring!

Even though its a rainy yucky day out for the second day in a row, I'm so glad that spring is just around the corner! The air has that smell of wet dirt and budding trees, even the occassional scent of freshly mowed grass with that oniony smell it has. You've heard of comfort foods....these are comfort SMELLS!The birds are singing their songs again- It makes me so happy!! ! I absolutely love spring, when life is springing forth again. It should remind of us ressurection. Everything was so beautiful and alive last summer, then the cold came and killed everything, now it's slowly coming back to life again, full of bright greens and pale pinks. It's such a pleasure to watch the beauty around us awaken after such a long season of sleeping. My soul feels like this sometimes. I guess I get in a "rut" or maybe I've just come through a valley or a trial, and as soon as the Lord reaches down and delivers me from whatever is holding me back, I feel that renewed life just bursting out of my soul. I felt this recently. Sometimes we don't even realize that we are getting "comfortable" in our spiritual lives and before we know it, we're sleeping! Don't get me wrong, we're human and this will happen. As long as we don't stay that way. Just like the spring, once everything starts to wake up again, we see the beauty that we almost forgot about, the smells that we missed, and the beautiful weather that allows us to breathe deep and enjoy the sunshine with the breezes blowing through our hair. How awful would it be if one day, winter came and stayed forever, taking with it life and beauty that the spring brings. So it would be in our spiritual lives if we never got out of our "ruts". I have been on fire for the Lord, I know what it feels like. So when I sink into that "poor,pitiful me" state, I can feel the flame suffocating. What an awful feeling. But when I overcome my old self, I can feel that flame burst back to life and the joy that it brings is very much like sitting on my porch on a beautiful warm spring day, taking in all of God's glory around me. My heart feels so alive when I'm in tune with my Saviour. I never want to stop growing in Him.
I was talking with a very sweet lady awhile about some spiritual things. She was pondering in her heart why she feels certain things that she feels, or does certain things she does. She very well could be in one of those "ruts" that I get myself into sometimes. The whole time she was talking to me, all I could think was, "I have been there!" It's a hard thing sometimes to explain things that I have in my heart, and I know I probably don't do a very good job. But I do know this: A child of God, when at peace with Him, has a comfort and a peace that passes all understanding. We won't always know why, or when, but we know that we can count on our Heavenly Father to walk with us through whatever difficulty we may be facing. Even if its sin, we have a Saviour that we can call out to for help, and He is there with His outstreched hand....His compassionate heart full of love for us. When you feel like you arent worthy of His forgiveness, or may not be able to be forgiven, remember this. First of all, we aren't worthy of His forgiveness. Secondly,His forgiveness is a done deal. He forgave us in spite of our unworthiness, a long long time ago, on a hill called Calvary. Hebrews 8:12 says "For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." He was definitely merciful to me, and continues to be day after day.
Once you have secured the fact in your heart that you are a born again child of God, you have to then forgive yourself. God did, and if He can, we can. Leave your old life behind....walk talk and act like a christian should. Please the One that left it all to die on a cross for you. For if you are pleasing God, then you will have no reason to question or doubt. So many of us even after we are saved, continue to beat ourselves up for the way we were before, or sometimes, even the way we have been after we were saved. We can only do one thing: treat our doubting, questioning sinful ways as the winter. It's time for spring. Time to watch new life burst forth. Time to begin. Live for God.... to the best of your ability. I am, and I am happier than I have ever been. And I can go to bed at night with peace in my heart. I do have a long way to go, but what a thought: I am continuing to grow. A tiny blossom on God's family tree if you will. But I AM on His tree....He is my vine....I may not have made it into a fullgrown branch yet, but I'm growing, and with His help, will one day become one :)