A Change of Pace-

I made a hard decision last week.... after months of stressful deliberation (and much prayer) of whether or not my life and calling allowed time and room for the dedication that it takes to be a teacher, I came to the conclusion that I will be ending my fulltime teaching career. My life as a mother and Pastor's wife has been a fulltime job in and of itself for the last 3 years. I love teaching. I love those children. I love the women I work with. But I love my family more. Our church has grown at a rate that has been hard to keep up with- what a blessing! My husband barely manages to spread himself just thin enough to meet everyones needs, while our children compete for our time in the evenings and on weekends. You can imagine, as a mother, struggling with the guilt of not giving enough time, energy, or attention to matters of the home. As a teacher, my students deserve 100%. And the staff is expected to give 100%. My other "careers" as I will call them, are my family, and our ministry. They also deserve 100%. But how can I give 100% all the time, when I am trying to give it to so many? I have found myself so emotionally and physically stressed that I dread the things that I once loved. I feel like I have robbed myself of my joy. I have spent time doing things that I love, instead of loving the things that God has called me to do. He called my husband into fulltime ministry. I have children, and since we have a very busy church life, I have to make a way to have time for both. I guess we could say that I am prioritizing. I know that what will feel like just a matter of days, my kids will be grown and gone. I have lost a grandmother who needed me everyday for her last months, but I couldn't /didn't devote to her the time she needed because I was already juggling 3 "jobs". As long as the Lord allows, I will step out on faith, and be here for my family first. I don't want to continue to give them my "leftovers". So, looking at all these things on my plate, I asked myself, which ones are the most important? Which one will allow time for the others if given up, and which one can be given up? My heart aches with the decision  I made. But I know that I made the right one. I will miss my job at BHS, but I look forward to being able to do my other "jobs" with joy, knowing that they have my undivided attention and devotion. I look forward to helping my husband as I've never helped him before. I look forward to what the future hold for our family. I look forward to being all that I can be to the people that God has brought to LBC. I wish that I would have had this time back in January. It breaks my heart everytime I hear my mawmaw's words to me, "Make time for me, they can wait." But I was too busy, pulled in so many directions. I'd give anything to have that time back. But...I must tell myself what some good friends have recently told me: "It's all in GOD'S time, not mine". I will have time to spend with my grand daddy, while I still have him. I will not continue to live my life in a blur of fast forward days, barely having time to blink. Life is short enough as it is. I will slow down, and enjoy what God has given me. My family, my church, my health. Make time for your family! Even if it means sacrafice, it's worth it! After all, no one has forever here. We're all on borrowed time :)
 I will end with one of my favorite songs. Just as the song says, I will "leave it all behind...I am full of love beyond measure, my joy is going to flow like a stream in the desert."