My Testimony

Some of you have already heard my testimony, but I'm going to share it again.

Matthew and I married in May of '93. Both of us were saved at early ages.He had grown up in a preachers home, I grew up in a broken home before moving in with my grandparents who then became my parents. I lived an unfruitfully saved life. (yes, I think I just made that word up!!) Our lives were very very different. I knew that he had been called to be a preacher, and he knew that I didn't want to be a preachers wife. So for many years, I stubbornly refused, using the old "microscope life" as an excuse. The fact is, I was just too selfish to completely turn my life over to God. I was busy doing what I wanted to do. I know that this hurt God and my husband. I just didn't care enough to surrender. I did this for about 12 or 13 years of our marriage, which didn't exactly make our marriage a happy one all the time! This was probably the number one source of arguments between us. I had witnessed what other preachers wives went through and I kept thinking "No way would I willingly do this to myself!" It's funny how the Lord works. I hadn't come to a point where I was thinking, "Ok...maybe"... as a matter of fact, I had pretty much stopped thinking about it. Matthew had grown tired of talking to me about it I suppose, because we didn't really even discuss it anymore. But, one day when I was driving home from work, I was listening to the radio, and a caller had called in and was saying something about her husband, who was a preacher, and that's really all I can remember. The next thing I know, I'm riding down the road crying because I had suddenly realized that my husband should be a preacher. I was so disgusted with myself at that moment, knowing that the only reason he wasn't doing what God had called him to do was because I was standing in his way. I never said anything to him that day... but my heart was so burdened over the next couple of weeks. I knew that the Lord was dealing with me and I felt absolutely horrible. Like the worst wife in the world. I had done absolutely everything possible to keep from becoming a preachers wife, and I now realized that despite all of it, that's what the Lord wanted me to be. I'm not sure how long I went on like this before I finally went to Matthew and told him. I think my words went something like, "Ok....if you still want to be a preacher,I'm ready...." Not exactly convincing, huh? However, those were the hardest words I have ever said. It's funny, because he didn't waste a lot of time before springing on me the fact that not only was he called to be a preacher, but that the Lord had been dealing with him about pastoring. Talk about SCARED! But the Lord had already prepared me. I knew it was coming eventually. It happened so fast. He had been preaching meetings in different churches regularly for a little over a year when he got a call from one of the churches to candidate as pastor. Through this time, and even now, I had so much guilt and heartache over the fact that I had kept Matt from this ministry for so long. The Lord has used him so much already in just over a year that I can't help but wonder how much more could have been accomplished had I not fought for so long. I have often said that I don't know why God was so patient with me. But I know He has a plan that we are a part of. He has blessed us with a church that loves and supports us, and He has blessed me with some godly friends that encourage and help me. It's hard, like I knew it would be sometimes. But there's a peace I now have....and that's knowing that I'm in the center of God's will...and that I'm part of a ministry that is making an eternal difference in lives. What could be greater than that? I am so thankful for my husband. He loves the Lord with his whole heart and is the most compassionate person I have EVER met. I truly do not deserve such a wonderful man, but God put us together, and for that I will be forever grateful! My desire now is that I can be the best preachers wife that I can be. That one day, people will be able to look back and say, "She was a godly, caring woman, and such a help to her husband." I want my life to be a legacy of hope. If the Lord can use me with tainted testimony and all, (what a picture of mercy and grace, by the way)then He can use anyone who is willing to say "Lord, here am I. Use me." He will!!!