Looking back on this year I see one that was busier than ever- as well as one that threw some major obstacles my way. So instead of just trying to keep up, I found myself almost drowning in an overwhelming sea of stress and worry. Why was I now struggling with things that had never before been an issue? A young- okayyy- relatively young woman, healthy and in the prime of her life now struggling with high blood pressure, anxiety, and taking meds to slow her heart rate. And all 3 discovered at the same time, for no apparent reason. Yep- These are just a few of the things life dealt me in the year 2013.
I've always been a worrier. Just ask my husband :) He says I like to lie in the bed at night and worry over what to worry about. Sadly, it's true. I don't know why...I just worry. For instance: I wake up at 2am worried that the trash can didn't get put on the curb and by morning, I will forget to remind the boys to make sure it's done. I worry about whether Matt has paid the homeowners insurance, or if I fed the cat that day. And for some strange reason, I always worry about stupid stuff at night. Things that during the day would NEVER cross my mind- (what if someone breaks in-will I hear them? Will Matt hear them and be superman, or will I have to don my cape and exterminate them myself? Why did Andy run that random fever the other day? What if there's an underlying reason for that fever and my blood pressure and Gracie's headaches....)
sigh right here> These are some examples of the normal "everyday worries" I go through. Now let's talk about work related things. My husband is a Pastor- as if my readers didn't know this already. With his job comes many many many many (ok-I'll stop-sorry!) stresses and worries. I never knew how much the wife of a pastor had to deal with. I'm not the pastor's wife that dives in headfirst planning ladies luncheons and retreats and plays and makes sure that all the committees are running smoothly and if they aren't, jumps in and does it herself. I'm not her. I'm me. All may not agree with my stance, but it's mine. I can't imagine doing all that, yet I know pastor's wives that do!! All I can think is, "How on earth can they handle all that with everything they already have to WORRY about?!?!"
Psalms 121: 1-2
"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth."
Psalms 31:24
"Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord."
"Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord."
And then finally- all of my worrying simply takes away from my faith in my God to sustain and take care of me. He knows the number of my days and I rest in the promise that when my days are over, I will spend eternity with Him. When I worry, I am telling The Lord that He isn't enough, that somehow I believe in my finite mind that I can change my circumstances, or that my circumstances are out of His control.
I can honestly say that what I once considered bad, I now consider good. The Lord put things in my life that He knew I needed in order to reign in my worrying. I can't say that I'm totally worry-free now, but I can tell you that everytime I start to worry, I tell myself
Philippians 4:11 - Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, [therewith] to be content.